How to eat a Christmas dinner
Eat, Drink and Be Merry, But —
Also Be Moderate.
Chew for Dear Life.
Beware of Plum Pudding.
And Cap Your Yuletide Feast With A Long Walk.
By W. C. Cotton, M. D.
Christmas dinner is a dangerous thing: If it is the conventional Christmas dinner of turkey and stuffing and plumb pudding it is a very dangerous thing. And as such it should be met with caution and discretion! For if you don’t get the better of your Christmas dinner, it is certain that it will get the better of you.
In the first place, remember to eat slowly and to chew your food, thoroughly. That’s half the battle. The other half consists in holding down on consumption of indigestibles.
Begin, slowly. A meal well begun is half won. If you have soup, eat it — don’t gulp it. Chew well the bread and crackers you take with it, and the vegetables and meat in the soup, if it be a vegetable or turtle soup.
Browse around a little on celery on some other relish. The more you stall, the better shape you will be in at the wind-up. When you come to the piece de resistance — the turkey, or roast, or whatever it be — tackle it gingerly. If you have paid due attention to preliminaries, you won’t be ravenously hungry by this time, and you won’t be inclined to eat more meat than is good for you.
Chew diligently, eat plenty of bread and whatever you do, don’t eat any of the “stuffing.” Eat a light dessert, if available — if not, and the usual heavyweight is forthcoming, eat as little of it as you can, without giving offense to the hostess.
Plum pudding is one of the most indigestible things that a man ever concocted as a test for his stomach.
Drink a demitasse of coffee, if anything, and your Christmas dinner will be well over. If you have followed directions, you won’t suffer much. Then get out and take a long ealk. Don’t sit around all the afternoon in a poorly-ventilated room. That will induce indigestion even when great care has been taken with the actual process of eating.
Chew each mouthful 33 times.